“but their decision to draft Ezekiel Elliott at No. 4 overall—thereby defying conventional wisdom about using a pick that high on a running back in today’s pass-happy league—has been the perfect complement to what that O-line brings.”

Not necessarily. It’s more so because running backs are fungible and can be found…

“He also counts $20.8 million against the cap this season, which would make him the league’s most expensive backup if he were to sit. Romo is under contract through 2019, and he’s had his deal restructured twice, thus kicking some of the cap implications down the road. The Cowboys would have to eat nearly $20…

“Buck says he has not had a hair-plug treatment since 2011"

Bullshit. At first I just thought Aikman gorilla masked him. Now we know he’s getting it done to his face.

Evans will always be the shit but Life Hack and Schilling are killing it. Just wish he would roast Simmons in the Haughty Dipshit section. Or does Simmons not write anymore?

Here’s the method I devised to survive seasonlong fantasy:
1.) Don’t look at your opponents lineup
2.) Don’t check your score until uesday morning

You can watch all the football you want and just worry about your players. And if your guys shit the bed, you still have that glimmer of hope that your opponent shit it worse…

About the bank robberies:

You’re exactly right. Nobody gets hurt, they’ll get him eventually. I once had a cabbie who just got out of prison for robbing banks. I’ll never forget, he said it was so easy and that was the problem. It’s so easy you’ll do it again and again and...then you get caught

“2. Pull chain. Pull chains are awesome because I feel like I’m inside a game of Clue”

Until it doesn’t work properly(which is always) and your rage will burn like a thousand suns as you angrily yank on the chain to no avail unil either you or the chain breaks

I don’t get the confusion. It’ll be the same as last season but with Simmons playing small forward and Embiid and Saric off the bench. Okafor will probably be traded at some point

Giri is a dude?!?

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2016/07/27/caught-on-video-black-lives-matter-literally-orders-white-people-to-the-back-of-protest/

Yeah but this

“40-year-old man who somehow leads all of baseball in OPS”

Drugs. I’m pretty sure it’s drugs.

So you’re saying he is one guy who can take care of half the field, leaving the other 10 to worry about the other half? And that’s a bad thing?

Mango.
Putting unripened mango in a fruit salad should be a crime punishable by ball punting. They know damn well when they’re doing it too

“but watch his five-yard cushion disappear within 20 yards (and just nine strides by Green) and turn into serious separation that would have looked even worse had Dalton not underthrown the ball”

He’s clearly jogging because, like you said, he was expecting safety help

I wonder what player he could’ve been had a not spent most of his nights drunk at a TGIFridays.

Selvin Young

I thought this guy was gonna be such a sleeper. Whenever I say his name in my head, I hear Brett Musberger’s voice

Bubby Brister

A friend of a friend dated(married?) Julius Jones. She would show me pictures of them out and about. He always had a cigarette. I remember it blew my mind an NFL running back was a smoker

“Lights Out” Tim Hauck