Here is the transcript from the Bears after signing him. It was a joke then, but now it is downright pathetic.

You are absolutely doing this right. I would like to add to this; “Grows new hair and fingernails to replace older versions”. I think that’s so fucking hot.

36. Super smart, cures diseases to life threatening diseases everyday

Not entirely. Coffee does have a neutralizing effect on many scents, which is why perfume shops often have bowls of coffee beans for refreshing the olfactory sense between samples. However, coffee is a suspicious item for this reason, as this chemical property has long been exploited by drug smugglers. Furthermore,…

Thats a myth.

I went to Costa Rica for vacation one year and as one does I bought some coffee... Well, ok I bought a lot of coffee. Not on purpose, but as we visited a lot of coffee plantations and I naturally bought some at every stop I wound up with 17 lbs of the stuff. Needless to say Customs was very suspicious on my way back…

Not for dogs it don’t. They can smell through it.

Man, he’s gonna be pissed when someone reads this article to him.

The suicide knobs were nice on old cars with manual steering and horrible steering ratios. I remember it took what felt like 30 revolutions of the wheel to pull my old 63 Savoy into a parking space.

Yeah that video autoplays when you try to embed it, so we opted for an embeddable format that can be played at the reader’s leisure. Fuckin’ internet.

Labyrinthine? Are you hanging out with lady ducks or something? (Look it up if you don’t know about duck vaginas).

I honestly like this idea, a lot, but the advice included here is elementary and mostly obvious. As a man with relatively little sexual experience, I was hoping to learn more. For instance: what should a man do with the many diverse and labyrinthine lady-parts down there? What other physical contact complements the…

I blame the department and let me tell you why. They praise rookie officers. They’ll go around making a 100 arrests a month, and they’ll praise them. These rookie officers will do anything to get an arrest because they want more praise, you know what I’m saying? This is the result of it. They arrested Gray for some…

thank you for sharing this

Yes, that's the important thing.