Looks like the Critic's Choice Award mystery has been…*sticks sunglasses up his own ass and performs a jaded, drunken pirouette*…SOLVEerson'd.

*taking notes longhand* throw…shit…on…lesser thing

Don't play dumb with me, mr. can't-search-anything-for-himself—I invented dumb. I was dumb before dumb was dumb.

*kitten heaves 300 pre-emptive sighs of relief*

Dear Todd: I was saddened by the news of your impending departure to Vox, and I'm even more saddened to have to tell you that you're dead to me now.

*raises the promised single eyebrow at the lack of s'more cowbell*

Their Government Cheesecake flavour tastes unpleasantly of pork barrels.

Thanks for the response. The constant changing is not annoying, really, because I know that I can just click on "follow" and it won't matter if you change it. I may have to resort to that, as you're a bit of a favorite with me. Sorry for the unwanted attention.

You probably know this, but most North American accents wouldn't use the ash—they're both pronounced /ˈɛɹ.ɪn/.

Why do you keep changing your username, Pants? Is it some kind of diffusing of imagined expectations born of psychological self-defence? Or are you unable to settle on a username and avatar, with one being too many and a thousand never enough? Or is it a third thing? You can tell me; I'm open-minded and…

Well, sometimes you meet a man who knows what rock and roll is, and he's not afraid to keep rockin', regardless of the cost to himself or others—someone who rocks so hard you're concerned.

Took you long enough!

Wow, it's like you're Jesus of the junkies, if Jesus were an accountant who provided reasonable advice on taxes.

Pfft. That could be anything—Matthew, Theodore, Jonathan. Well, three things.

Spoken like a true Aaron.

The meme police are openly questioning whether a quote from Archer or The Simpsons counts as a meme. If so, then the daily quotations from the "Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie" episode surely qualify (provided we rastify them by at least ten percent).

Oh, he's just insinuating that you're a man, on account of your giant schlong.

Well, you're doing god's work, Spielbergo…or satan's, I forget which one it is. The important thing is: never stop.

You underestimate our collective forgetfulness, sir. *discreetly slides a piece of paper on top of a skull-sticker-festooned file folder marked "Ricky Coogin"*

Do you claim credit for our omnipresent funky bass, sir?