Fun possible fact: testimony refers to testicles, as oaths in parts of medieval Europe required cupping one's balls as a testi-ment to the truthosity of what was being said.

Replace "chicks" with "blow" and you are correct. I've heard Dyson is looking at patenting his nostrils.

He's saying what we're all thinking!

I like your detached and indifferent spirit, sir.

You mean your old Chevy?

I thought it was obvious that he was just parroting old westerns; I mean, that wamprat rodeo was a dead giveaway. Chewbacca? Why, that's just chewing tobacco with a terminal "a". In other news, I have recently been diagnosed as a terminal A.

"I have jars of women. JARS!" - Reason_on_GS, carrying on the work of his/her great grandfather, Francis Tumblety.

No no, I just assume that his is (because he is terrible). People often tell me that I have the spinal fluid of a 20-year-old.

Yep, he's in Ireland on a drunk mighty enough to astonish the druidy druids.

*patiently awaits royalty checks for his idea*

Well, the climate in New York is hardly ideal. Maybe it'd change his mind if he could just appear in skits via Skype, making the occasional poignant and insightful funny noise. He's been phoning it in for years; he might as well do it literally.

"White wedding, is it?"
"Yes."
"Lovely day for it."
"Quite."

Ha, self-written memoir. That quotation needs to be read aloud in a posh British accent, in the most withering way possible. "Ehrm, listen, I knehw you've done your best, but…well, your best isn't very GOOD, is it?"

Now, I'm no zoologist or nothin'…*pulls on suspenders with thumbs*…but no, they are not.

His secret shames? Camel straights; riding his own melt

He's SAFE! *accidentally decapitates baseball player*

I do have some expertise in episstemology

You have selected: kung fu grip. May I suggest: gentle touch? You have selected: kung fu grip.

"Time to saddle up and ride, family picnic, and daddy's brought it all!"

Have Your Ass Say Yes to the Assayas, coming soon from HBO