BUT NOT TODAY

And here’s Leonidas’ dick and balls meeting Draymond Green.

Also Deadspin soccer posts are 70% utter nonsense.

This.

Counterpoint: Deadspin doesn’t have too much soccer, but Deadspin soccer posts could each be approximately 80% shorter. Someone get Billy an editor.

get that weak shit outta here.

Zachary D. Manprin: Cardinal Fan or Schiano Man?

No, but Intercourse, Pennsylvania does...

Can we hire this grounds crew for the Pro Bowl?

Well, that about wraps up the case, then! Good work, detective!

You can always tell when swimmers beef. Just look for the bubbles.

Chug Truthing since 2014:

Family Circus and Marmaduke are two of the worst things in human history, non-murder/war division.

This man won a Stanley Cup. Phil is not just cool. Phil is a goddamn hero

#prayforhiggins

For those of you who don’t know, the perceived speed stat is obtained by performing a postgame colorimetry analysis on the back of the hitter’s pants.

oof, COTD.

you’re safe, it’s not a sex tape.

I just helped you sell 50,000 more copies. You’re welcome.