What, are all his fat suits at the cleaners or something?

There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Mrs. Langdon Alger.

The Grand Wizard is really Khan!

I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!

On a hot New Jersey day, you don't have to imagine. You can smell it wherever the fuck you are.

At least I'm losing weight.

That's how Hendrix died!

"That's a frog. Bears wear hats."

Dane Cook's Tourgasm?! I didn't even know it existed, and now it's leaving us. Also, learning about its existence made me throw up in my mouth.

He's not actually having people sign for packages. It's a petition to the judge to grant him partial custody of his kids.

Oh, you'd rather it be a total stranger in a cold, sterile hospital room?

That'll leave her Sauron for days!

[SKEPTICALLY FLIPS THROUGH ANNOTATED INDEX OF RETURN OF THE KING]

One does not simply block LOTR quotes from his mind.

Gonna try to slip her the ol' Bilbo in her Baggins, eh?

It STILL only counts as ONE!

YOU! SHALL NOT! WED!

I have bonobo idea how these threads work.

Now show me how the little piggies eat!

We can slot it in after the Beppo the Super Ape protest.