Wait, who did Kirsten Dunst kill?

Yeah, I understand the importance of cleaning up the potato peels and scraping the crust off of your butterfly fuckswing, but putting away my shelves of books and such was hard. Obviously, I get the point of it, but I do feel like I'm living in some kind of specimen jar at the moment.

I had two open houses—we're trying to sell the old place, now that the new one has been bought. We did something called "staging", which means, approximately, "put most of your belongings into storage so that your house looks like it is inhabited by minimalist neat-freaks who probably put on latex gloves to wipe…

The A.V. Club

"She was only 15 years old…oh look a dead hooker!…[resumes impression] you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

I'll take Whore Ads for $400.

Holy creamed corn christ, internet!

Wikipedia tells me that Tony Gwynn was a dipper of oral snuff, not a chewer with the big bulging cheek of a star athelete. Also, science insists that salivary gland cancer is not linked to oral tobacco, although that is one hell of a coincidence, science! Honestly, science, I don't know what the fuck you're on about…

And the game still isn't interesting!

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer peeled ginger.

Do they still chew big plugs of tobacco in baseball, or did Obama take that away too?

I would gladly accept payment in shamrock shakes.

*lays flowers at his grave; flowers explode for no discernible reason*

Damn, when I saw that set I thought he was going to start backwards talking about a formica table.

That depends entirely on what you like. What do you actually like, Herp? The snappy antics of Tracey Morgan? The sound of a wounded badger lamenting in his den? The fulsome beauty of an English governess as she whinnies in your bed with wild abandon? The sound of ice cubes hitting the bottom of a glass?

All life is suffering; the cause of that suffering is sassmouth.

Whore ads anything these days?

I'll take ace tits for $800, Aleksh.

I don't understand why they aren't doing a nicer job with anal bum cover.

Damnation! These banjos aren't fit to carry Pye Traynor's glove!