Heroin has been linked to lowered testosterone. Do the math, people! *injects another shot of heroin, makes kissy faces at himself in the mirror while tossing his very-slowly-thinning mane of hair hither and thither*

Paul wasn't even really a Paul. His real first name was Hitler, but they changed it because they were all commercial and shit.

"She's only 14, but she handles like a 68-year-old!" *impressed whistling from HDB's friends*

Hey! I might be white and suburban but…what was that third thing you said?

My ex-wife was voted Best Something or Other in my local reader's choice poll. She is very clever with computers and has a lot of friends with time on their hands.

You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.

He'd have an easier time catching me if he didn't have a cigarette dangling from his mouth!

Who's going to play the key role of Professor Horatio Hufnagel?

If lurking naked in Paul Rudd's garage is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Oh shit, here he comes! *AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd chases billy boy with rock 'n' roll pitchfork*

Tinkywinkyphrenic.

Pics or it didn't happen! [I am, of course, only joking. I'm sure there was probably someone named Mohammad, at some point in history, somewhere.]

Well obviously.

I think they're doing actual history, not made-up stuff.

It'd be an even worse name if the person were a Shakepeare prof who is really finicky about the pronunciation of his/her last name.

[Sugar Crisp tune] Can't get enough of those honey cooocks…

I have a brother with that condition. He received his Ph.D in cognitive psychology at the age of 29, and ever since he's been busy dying a dark, wordy, academic death.

Ugh. I hear that's often terminal.

My friend Tom Cruise said, "Psychology is a load of honey cocks…I mean hooey…"

Ding! Ding! Ding!

WHO WILL DIAGNOSE THE DIAGNOSERS, XANDERPUSS?