Ah Jaysus have you haird about Our Sharon? Got erself up the pole, she did. Won't even say who the feather is.

Would you feed that pie to Tom Petty and stroke his nipples gently, gently?

Any true, God-fearing pie list should have coconut cream pie at the top and Captain Billy's Perch Parts Pie at the bottom.

Oh no, my braaain…

Central Time is GOD'S time!

So, commentariat, without reading anything but the headline to this article, would you say that it's time to…panic?

He doesn't have to pay taxes, because he is a Freeman on the land!

His range has narrowed, for sure. It's pretty rare for him to be able to sing without it breaking, though he did a nice job on "The Little Drummer Boy" on the xmas album (he sang his best for Him, pa rum pa pum pum). I don't mind the sound of it breaking, sometimes—I can relate to a broken voice. For me it's more…

Well yeah, to an extent that explains the gargling sound. Still, when he's into the performance I can like the sound of his voice. His voice isn't much more damaged these days than when he recorded "Lonesome Day Blues" in 2001, and he sings the shit out of that one—gives me chills. On his most recent album, I think…

J'ai des crayons…dans mes souliers. *waggles eyebrows provocatively*

Ça ce n'est pas le Franglais!

Tabernac! J'ai drivé ma car dans la ditch!

For me, I presume they'll play Johnny Cash's version of "God's Gonna Cut You Down".

Story time: that movie was what the girlfriend and I saw on our first date. We both loved it all the way through and, because we're both terrible people, we kept laughing at parts when other people in the theater were silent and shocked. Daniel would say something over-the-top like "Are you telling me how to raise…

The real victory, for me, occurs when I can use a phrase like "hot as balls" in the same sentence or paragraph as "cold as balls". Because I'm the same as I was when I was six years old…

I dunno, I think certain artists get energy and purpose from conflict with the audience—maybe Cameron Esposito is like that. Take Bob Dylan—he was probably at his best when he was getting booed in 1966 (and, to some extent, in San Francisco in 1979 when he debuted his Christian material). He was also great in the…

It's towns all the way down! Wait, no, townception? Ah fuck it I'm gonna do like the talking whisky says and go get drunk.

Stupid townies! They think they're so big…living in their towns, doing, I dunno, town planning because they need to plan because they live in towns because they're stupid!

"She was getting in the elevator at the Chelsea Hotel. I asked, "Are you looking…for someone?" She said "Yes, I'm looking for Kevin Costner." I said, "Little lady, you're in luck—I'M Kevin Costner". Friends, those were generous times, and though she knew I was…somewhat shorter than Kevin Costner…she never let on…"…

The only one my ex can remember without going through the box is Teenage Hitchhikers [1975].