Not that we have them up here in wherever *waves hand at map dismissively* but I would never eat any product called Hydrox. The primary reason for this is that they have the same name as the industrial disinfectant cleaner we used when I was a member of my local hospital's team of housekeeping all-stars.

Laugh bitterly into your own scorn all you like, but AOL sent me a free tin of Bruton scotch snuff when I signed up.

Don't read the fea…
Don't read the…features-s-s
*chuckles* Well it'll sound a lot better coming out of Paul Anka

It's at its most enjoyable in a Glaswegian accent, particularly when a man uses it in a friendly way to refer to another man. "This c*nt—this is the best c*nt ay them aw!" I think—and @Das Mogul can correct me if I'm wrong—that even in Glasgow it's considered pretty offensive if used against women.

Was I supposed to assume that you're a woman?

If I respond to you as though you were reasonable grown-up, you accuse me of being "awfully worried and desperate to discredit someone". If I don't bother making actual arguments, I'm a macho-posturing douchebro. How about if I just tell you it's not your fault?

Sigh. Are you going to bark all day, little doggie?

Oh I know you're not the only defender of this week's column, and for what it's worth I didn't mind the column—I just found the premise a little stale. There were a couple of amusing jokes. Anyway, by "one-person crusade" I meant that you appear to have taken it upon yourself to respond to every single comment that…

On a one-person crusade? Nice weather for it.

In the words of Cookie Monster himself: "You come at king, you best not miss."

I'm not against taking a satirical concept and riding it for an entire column—Swift's "A Modest Proposal" was basically a single joke, stretched over an entire essay. That said, Swift's satirical proposal that the Irish eat their children is a lot more unexpected and shocking, so it's a better concept to milk at…

I missed it at first too. Damn! The satire's too tight!

The ironing is delicious!

It's not that I'm actually advocating change, as I think it would skew too heavily towards men (because of dinosaurs, as Vinny put it). I'm just batting the concept around.

Yeah, I agree. I tried to make that point in my comment.

This seems like as good a place as any to ask: is it really necessary to separate genders for show business awards? I mean, I can understand why they separate genders in Olympic events like sprinting or shot put, but the same reasoning doesn't apply to acting. I suppose the danger of lumping the genders together…

A baby ox.

I bet she has a mighty bikini tan, as was the style of the time.

Yeah, it's too high up to be a real camel toe; still, I like to label it as such because I'm a hopeless romantic.

Yep. Gaze upon that mighty toe and weep!