With Jigsaw dead, they're pretty much forced to do Sawing For Teens

Cersei remembers licking Maggie the Toad and spending the entire nights giggling in the swirling darkness. She sighs because her days of tripping on hallucinogens are over, and then BAM! Flashback! The moon turns a bright paisley red, and Eric Clapton appears in King's Landing riding a giant cowboy otter!

Cersei should rub her chin thoughtfully, and the picture should become all hazy and rippled (with ascending plucked harp sounds) till you wonder what's going on and then BAM! Flashback!

I only know him as Container Steve. He has a big stovepipe hat, a button nose and two eyes made out of coal.

Spain out-Alabamas Germany with an age of consent of 13.

Trust me, paying a homeless guy $1000 to piss on your leg isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds.

I thought you needed to marry them and have their parents' consent first, though. Not that I would know anything about it. *eyes dart around suspiciously*

You sleep with the fishes?

I see Jamieson…and…and…*rubs temples*…a Chicago bus bench covered in puke…

Rusty Nails could write a pie gag that'd really make you think about whether social discourse on divisive topics amount to little more than emotivist championing of one abstract ideal over another, e.g. "hooray for personal autonomy" vs. "hooray for the sanctity of life" in the abortion debate. By placing himself in…

Not since I was a lad. Did I miss a reference?

Take from this what you will, but I always imagined you as more of a top than a bottom. I'll have to update my file on you. *takes folder down from shelf, blows dust off it, opens it and cowers from the Homer-Simpson's-underpants-esque spirits that howl and leave the room to cause mayhem* Oh right—that's why I…

What about "Idiot King's Olde-Fashioned, Good-Time Cavalcade of Cock"? *checks registry* Damn, it's taken. By me, apparently. Fuck you, yesterday billy—always two steps ahead!

I'm still partial to "Fuck My Dirty Shithole: The Movie". (You know, as opposed to the ballet.)

*Bill Murray stops by Son of Neckbeard's office, pulls a spatula out of his pants, winks & disappears into the mist*

Using a word like suicide to market softcore porn, however cool that porn may be, seems really odd to me. I just don't see the connection between it and the content. To me, it feels as though it's using the word suicide to denote something really cool, and suicide's pretty goddamn far from cool. (I'm probably…

aw shucks

A woman we'll call MLA
Is putting her wit on display—
Her old Simpsons quotes
Get a billion upvotes
Like a bear in a car (the ballet)

There once was a poster named Dan,
Who had an ingenious plan:
Just bury the whore
In his dirt basement floor;
What a pleasant and generous man!

There once was a fellow named Perv,
Whose rhymes showed a fabulous nerve;
Sometimes he got stuck,
And his meter was fucked,
But we loved him and marked on a curve.