He'll play the lover who ran the deceased's ass into the ground.

Me too. I tend to end it with the capper of inflating both cheeks and hitting them with my fists so that the air escapes from my mouth, a la Animal House. As with most pleasant things in life, it is best done when no one else is watching.

I wasn't a big fan of Clear History, but I loved the sound he made when talking to the waitress about hygiene. She made an argument, and he responded with "Eh", in a way that I can only describe as "unconvinced sound".

There will be comical tubas, yes, but one shouldn't ignore the festive twaddling of mandolins that will also accompany his oblivious ambling.

So you're saying that "the road less taken" is the butthole?

So you're saying that "the road less taken" is the butthole?

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Well, at least you didn't use the adjective "final".

Impatient people think that you can't get your ass hair successfully implanted on your head. Patient people know better.

Impatient people think that you can't get your ass hair successfully implanted on your head. Patient people know better.

And that little boy…whom no one liked…grew up to be…a total asshole.

Not when O'Neal is the proctologist. Once you see his frowning, Irish-American face, I suggest you strap yourself down because you are in for a thrill ride.

Chapter the third: a trip to the proctologist, with most unexpected results!

In Simmons' defense, I will now stand on my desk and, with the permission of the court, air guitar the entirety of God of Thunder.