bless you out of the greys

Wonder Twin powers.... activate! Form of: pussy! Smell of: bacon!

...so I told 'em I was Charlie Sheen!

The online birth control part is probably a recording of 3 kids arguing over whether squirrels eat dog vomit and then yelling "Mom!!!!" at which point the caller is supposed to referee.

I'm available tomorrow!

Is that you, Joan? I thought you were dead!

Where's the TL;DR?

Subtle. Nice!

+1 for correct troll spelling

Can someone please set this to the theme song from Benny Hill?

This just in: Ray Rice is not Jay Z.

ADPi is one of the more effluent sororities.

I read the lede as "Three Giant Quilted Polyester Penises..."

I have that same phone! But I long for my brick phone sometimes.

Perhaps she was making a funny.

Also, in almost all situations, it is WHEELS OUT!

(And yes, I was going for Smug Indianapolis Fan.)

Hah! That was meant for someone else, who had replied to my knock knock / who's there / go fuck yourself comment. So, the bad is on me!