Where's the TL;DR?

Subtle. Nice!

+1 for correct troll spelling

Can someone please set this to the theme song from Benny Hill?

This just in: Ray Rice is not Jay Z.

ADPi is one of the more effluent sororities.

I read the lede as "Three Giant Quilted Polyester Penises..."

I have that same phone! But I long for my brick phone sometimes.

Perhaps she was making a funny.

Also, in almost all situations, it is WHEELS OUT!

(And yes, I was going for Smug Indianapolis Fan.)

Hah! That was meant for someone else, who had replied to my knock knock / who's there / go fuck yourself comment. So, the bad is on me!

The Colts already lost a draft pick in the Trent Richardson trade. Isn't that penalty enough?

Were they real and spectacular?

Ouch! I was going for Tom Hanks' FBI agent character in "Catch Me if You Can." You must be going for, uh, something else.

Thanks for giving us the Colts!

I think you mean poo poo.

Everybody knows that crime(a) doesn't gay.