I read the lede as "Three Giant Quilted Polyester Penises..."

I have that same phone! But I long for my brick phone sometimes.

Perhaps she was making a funny.

Also, in almost all situations, it is WHEELS OUT!

(And yes, I was going for Smug Indianapolis Fan.)

Hah! That was meant for someone else, who had replied to my knock knock / who's there / go fuck yourself comment. So, the bad is on me!

The Colts already lost a draft pick in the Trent Richardson trade. Isn't that penalty enough?

Were they real and spectacular?

Where is the entrance for the poor people?

Ouch! I was going for Tom Hanks' FBI agent character in "Catch Me if You Can." You must be going for, uh, something else.

Thanks for giving us the Colts!

I think you mean poo poo.

Everybody knows that crime(a) doesn't gay.

Actually, it is kind of nice. I hope the little tyke lives.

"Cool, an article about us! High five!!! High five. High five? Anyone?" - Tom Brady

Too bad they weren't Timexes, what with the whole takes a licking and keeps on ticking thing.

Good frickin' grief. Sorry to hear that. Check your city ordinances and hope that the neighbors are in violation.

The trouble is that the balloon inflates nicely, but deflates after only 2 minutes.

I bet he used Cockstarter or Scrotfundme.

Average duration, 8 seconds.