But you are correct about one thing- I am not a real football fan.

Um, I said deflate-gate-HATE, not deflate-gate. I’m talking about the Pats organization and their deranged fans who despise the Colts for calling them out for cheating.

Deflate-gate-hate is the herpes of football fan complexes.

I refuse to buy a bidet until it is confirmed the jets successfully clean house

Say what you will, but I still vastly prefer the Blue Shirt of Inspiration to the Brown Shirts of Intimidation.

Jordan Peele is so multi-talented he’s hitting buzzer-beaters now

Since running it back 109 yards is objectively harder than running something back 100 yards, it seems kind of arbitrary to draw a line beyond 100 yards where extra credit is no longer given.

Have some mercy; he’s already done a couple this season. The man can only take so much.

C’mon guys, all this ribbing is the opposite of what Markelle needs right now.

This is weird because God has historically been cool with rapists.

My opposition to the death penalty has three exceptions:

*Snug*

After Philip Rivers drove his team 64 yards down the field

*Should of*

+4"

Apologies if we don’t show respect to someone whose Kinja handle literally scoffs at the prevalence of sexual assault. How did you get out of the greys?

This callous betrayal of Philly culture is our greatest shame since Donald Trump.

5a. Getting hit by a Bombardier

https://www.theonion.com/nations-ivy-leaguers-share-hearty-laugh-that-dartmouth-1824182185