Pontius Pilate was better at hammering.

Closets usually don’t lock on the inside. So you would actually have to have someone lock you in the closet and then have said person come back to let you out when you’re finished crying. What if they have an emergency or want to have their own cry when you’re in there? Then you have to either wait for them to come…

I reacted the same way during my presser after my last slo-pitch softball season, except instead of a reporter asking about my noble effort after a heartbreaking defeat, it was basically the drunken wife of one of my teammates spitting nacho bits in my face as she slurrily demanded to know how the fuck I managed to…

no. it is not.

“So the big question here, is Booker’s basketball star potential to actress hotness ratio going to be a like Lindsay Lohan, where her amazing hotness peaked at age 20 and her return could be measured at pennies on the dollar in the years after that?

That puts him past the aforementioned Jordan (whose best night was 69)

Trump has “perfect genes” but unfortunately he’s unable to fit his fat ass into a par of jeans.

Let us all rejoice, but do not forget this bill failed, in large part, because IT WASN’T CRUEL ENOUGH to suit the needs of the far-right Freedumb Caucus nutjobs.

Yeah that makes no sense to me. Fuck that stupid shit.

Now that is a lady who likes being married to a wealthy pro-footballer... or who likes not being tortured, murdered, and fed to dogs.

No wonder Tom Brady is so quiet about discussing his diet.

You should see my look of surprise that there is still more evidence that Dwight Howard is a grown child in all the worst ways.

I refuse to wish anyone happy birthday on facebook. If they’re an important enough friend they get a call or a text. If they’re not do they really care that I wish them happy birthday on social media?

He ran right out of the back of the interview room.

Upests

Oh, I forgot one notable other alum:

Hey, remember when Gawker did pretty much the same damn thing and it was “ok” by everyone at Gizmodo? How’s this any different?

As much as I think that last Vader scene was perfect, I would certainly have loved to see Vader walking on a beach totally flipping out because of all the sand everywhere, and taking it out on the heroes.

There’s no on-deck circle for the afterlife for this man.

I like the part where Brown walked back to the bench and didn’t even look at Curry. And also the part where the Warriors lost.