Precisely.

New slogan:

I call bullshit on this. Like all things, if your hygiene is poor without a beard, it will be poor with a beard. There is no reason ANY man’s beard should contain fecal matter. NONE. Even if you go down on someone and they’re not having the freshest of days, you STILL wash your beard, you nasty fucker. If you change a…

As satisfying as it would be to obliterate this shit stain from the face of the earth, isn’t this precisely what he wants: to become a martyr to some nebulous Islamic cause, go directly to paradise, and fuck virgins?

“I try to avoid O’Hare if possible — that shit is cray”

My money’s on Madge, she always knows which way the wind is blowing.

Luckily they hired a coach who loves working with and is great at developing young quarterbacks...

There is nothing “borderline” about an overhead boob shot. That is just creepy. End of line.

“Sure, I appreciate it, Dad. Giving me a football with my own autograph on it just seems a little odd.”

Playing counterstrike on my gaming PC when all of a sudden, BSOD! Oh no, look over, see a 6 inch flame flying out the top of my tower as it tries to reboot. I proceed to yell at the computer for being so dumb as to reboot while on fire. Spend next few hours ripping the machine apart and stuffing my enormous graphics…

Waiting for Red Dead Redemption on PC. GODDAMN YOU ROCKSTAR!!!!! *Shakes fist in impotent rage*

But she fucking does? She wears the same outfit 99% of the time

Coming from an objectively ugly woman, I find it pretty fucking rich

That's grossly unfair and borderline stupid. They cut him the second any allegations came to light. And while he was one of the best players in the league and in his prime.

Finally, a resolution to Deflategate.

Yes. YES. More of your tears, MORE OF YOUR TEARS! THEY SUSTAIN US!

Next year - Rest of NFL finally admits they will never stop getting outschemed by New England, just straight up bans the Patriots.

God I love rooting for a team whose coach is so much smarter than the rest of the league that they have to dumb down the rule book so the other 31 teams can keep up.

When asked for comment, the Ravens stated, "It feels like a punch in the mouth. Like we got knocked out and dragged out of the play-offs unfairly."