I had this dream once where a site I loved was taken over by this know nothing conglomeration. They destroyed it and all my favorite writers resigned en-masse. Wooo. Can you imagine? Luckily it was just a dream. Just a dream... Just a dream...

“This is all so surreal. Surreal and fucking depressing.”

Yet here he stands, in the oval office, confused, walking around like your elder family member who has lost their faculties.

That’s funny, because I have a trash can at home that works the same way. A few days in there, and it’s the same as a few days somewhere else at room temperature.

If any demographic loves a Swedish mock-Satanic heavy metal band performing as if they were a 1960s group, surely it’s Jezzies in a thread dunking on a former VP for being so old he has dentures. That Venn diagram is basically a single circle.

Mr. Ped 

My my, you left some primo undrafted free agents on the board this time round, and that means I don’t have to venture too far into the what-fresh-hell-is-this-Fox territory that these comments of mine usually devolve into by round five.

knock on wood if you’re with me

I’d like a follow-up episode so we can find out what these “in-laws who foot most of the bill” say when they realize their son-in-law invited a random fucking friend along to join in the mooching.

Actually, isn’t the city’s biggest celebrity a fictional character from a movie?

How is it better than The Empire Strikes Back? That’s just insanity.

Yeah because one thing we don’t do enough of around here is call out the NCAA.

ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER was the friends we made along the way.

It’s not the abortion bills, it’s the fucking President of the United States that emboldens this shit. The abortion bills are a symptom, not the disease. 

Unless law enforcement wishes to admit that these devices are actually about revenue generation and not safety...

My vote? Time-traveling tourists. Sightings are increasing because we’re getting closer to WWIII, a popular destination in time for history buffs.

I guess Jobs’ oncologist cracked a few too many jokes when he recommended surgery.

In the hyper-capitalistic system that she craves, more “individual freedom” means you can do anything you want if you can pay for it. I do not think this type of freedom is going to break down the walls between wealthy and poor school children. Which is the point, of course.

Both groups went on hundreds of escort missions, so that’s a fair mistake.