Let’s say, in theory, Bill Clinton secretly, in his heart, did not want Hillary to become President.

Would he be doing differently on the campaign trail?

When rich, old, white men sexually abuse minors, it’s a “mistake in judgment”.

Yes.

I’m intrigued by the ‘he said, she said’ dynamic that seems only to be applied to violence against women.

are investigating a possible case of excessive force

*TOSSES WAIST TRAINER ASIDE IN DESPAIR*

No insult, but could there be two more different names that Tiffany and Ivanka?

Despite his comments about at least two of his daughters (Tiffany here, the comments about Ivanka saying “If she weren’t my daughter...”), I actually don’t think he wants to have sex with his own children. Rather, I think he believes that the highest compliment you can give a woman is to call her fuckable. Which leads…

It’s delightful. He sent out a request to a company asking to buy fetal tissue from them, in what he clearly thought would be a sting.

He’s about a solid Martin Shkreli

you raid our uteri, we’ll raid your home. QUID PRO QUO, FUCKFACE.

cannot unread

He would not harm anybody, he would not harm women or men.

Every night, with a sweating uncooked chicken breast panting upon her, she prays to Whatever Gods May Exist that she finally be allowed to die.

Palin probably sounds coherent because she had a PR person write it for her. #TeamAnonymousPalinStaffer

“Mathematicians are currently investigating this incident as it apparently contradicts all known rules of math. This marks the first known instance of multiplying a negative by a negative and still getting a negative in return."

I know.

I want, so badly, for Trevor Noah to be good at this.

Good news, Charlize! It’s called aging, and when it starts to happen you will find that Hollywood won’t be looking at you as just a pretty face anymore. In fact, they may stop looking at you at all. Imagine that!