Or swipe right on her Tinder profile. I wonder if she puts “no kids” in her description.

I’m pretty sure all these kids can beat Trump in a spelling bee competition.

I expect her to be on the next season of Dancing with the Stars or Celebrity Apprentice.

Can we sell Utah? I blame them for the bag of discarded toenail clippings that is Jason “Squirrel Bile” Chaffetz.

Meanwhile, The Washington Post has Garrison Keillor, who died five years ago but nobody told him. He makes me yearn for the days of Mark Russell on PBS.

My only hope is that Danny Glover says during the protest, “I’m getting too old for this shit.” Then it all comes full circle.

My pickup line will be, “I’m going to fuck you like Trump is fucking the working class — long, hard and leaving you with the bill.”

I was expected Sessions to say during the presser, “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling reporters.”

Gronk’s bus must have a built in draft system ... you know ... for beer.

When I went to Munich a few years ago, I went to the Olympic village area and found Building 31. There’s a small memorial and it gave me the chills

I was going to say something along those lines. Munich is Spielberg’s most under-rated film.

One can only hope that these electrical officials can find a safe space.

Sorry Patty. I have a degree in film studies, I have film books lined on my shelves, an extensive Blu-ray collection and pretty steady diet of movies during the week. I can name one movie off the top of my head that Alexis was in, and that’s Pulp Fiction, and pretty sure he played the guy who ran out of the bathroom…

We didn’t know that he liked meatloaf. That’s a lowercase “m”, not the upper case M, who was on his celebrity game show.

I’d like to know what he finds easy since inauguration, I’m guessing —

Kimmel kicks out Matt Damon’s wife and Casey Affleck breathes a sigh of relief, “At least this diverts attention away that I’m a creep who won an Oscar for acting in a sad sack movie where I mumble for 130 minutes”

*mumbles with food in my mouth* all of them

I’m too busy crying in the fetal position to do any of these tasks.

In that order?