He’s definitely not Walking to New Orleans now.

Imagine a world run by people who know how to properly employ verb tenses.

Eh, why should the Rangers bother trying. The city practically gave them a new stadium, I presume they’re raking in cash via TV, so fuck it. Winning won’t give them much more money. Why bother?

When asked for comment, Dick Nixon reportedly said, “you don’t have Gary to kick around any more, because, gentlemen, this was his last Applebees meal.” 

Wait until you’re an older parent. You’ll be desperate to find a crowded wave pool in which to deposit your kid.

At least we there’s a bit more of a reaction during fire drills...

He was just starting to get over the trauma. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

I don’t know. That kind of violates the rules of journalism.

Don’t apologize. We are, in fact, sharing uninteresting news. I’m typing naked on my back porch. Soon I’ll cool off in my pool. Gotta smoke a cigarette first.

Arsenal are indeed fucking around until they sign two decent central defenders, which will give them two more than they currently have.

Yeah, you’re right. I’m sure soccer in Africa and Asia would totally be as popular and competitive today if those confederations still had one representative each in the men’s tournament as they did in the 1960s-1980s (none before that, of course.)

Actually, if you’re born on Guernsey (or any Channel Island,) you have your choice of England, Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland to play for.

One day, when you find out Gary is the last man in America named Gary, you’ll wish you were nicer to him. It’s the kind of thing that keeps you awake at 3am.

The advantage is you could reach out with one hand and pull yourself to the wall and execute your turn sooner. This is a stroke where both arms and legs must mirror each other’s movements, including touching the wall. If either arms or legs get out of sync, you’re no longer swimming breaststroke and should therefore…

How did John Angelos get anywhere in life? It sounds like he actually cares about people.

So you’re saying the Orioles are run by filthy communists.

And if you stick to the first stanza, the song comes in at under 60 seconds, and everyone can sing it without sounding like a jackass. It’s perfect for the USA national anthem, which is why it’ll never happen. Jesus fuck the Star Spangled Banner sucks.

It’s adorable that you think an editor read this before it was posted.

No doubt that’s all true, but it’s still up to MLBPA to crack the whip on their membership, prepare to strike, and hold out until they get all that they want.