Katie Holmes always looks like she just smelled a fart.

Fake Hollywood news.
#MHGA

And overall suckage.

One of my favorites is at the movie theater. “Would you like butter on that?” “Nah, just give me the same yellow stuff you put on everybody else’s.”

I’m the guy that still says “that’s what she said” without any embarrassment. I never find it not funny.

There’s no rule saying we can’t take a big giant shit on Trump’s head in this Newswire.

Before she passed, I used to watch all the Coen Bros. movies with my mom. Raising Arizona was her favorite. Anyway, she was really sick with cancer when we watched this one. After it was over she turned to me and exclaimed, “that was it!?” In that moment I couldn’t help but think that in life you never get a happy…

I was 22 years old and I was horribly depressed. Almost to the point of not being able to function normally in society. Drinking, uppers, downers, anything to make me feel something other than depression. Every day was, this would be a good way to kill myself vs why I shouldn’t kill myself. By 1996 Pearl Jam had…

Take solace in the fact that, somewhere at this very moment, 9-year-old Pickles is getting the shit kicked out of him. Probably for wearing a bow tie to the playground.

"What, now you wanna be Dylan Murphy?"

My favorite part of this letter is “I don’t know why people don’t like you.” That’s a clue that Trump himself didn’t write it. Otherwise it would have said “Everybody loves you."

I’ve had several employees over the years with horrible handwriting. They’re usually younger / Millennials. My guess is that hand written text is a lost art.

I'm in no way defending this, but I currently have two adult employees whose handwriting is this bad.

Okay, so right out of the gate: Pearl Jam’s No Code? You can promptly go fuck yourself. That album saved my life.

Cranberry sauce.

He was just in Wichita and there was no way I was going to pay 188 dollars for seats in the nose bleed section.

Yeah I know, glass half full.

I bought it on DVD when I lived in Australia and of course it won't play on my current player because of region codes and what not.

@disqus_hbOv1r934s:disqus @agentdougiecooper:disqus
It's called The Devil and Daniel Johnston and it's pretty great.

As I’ve gotten older in feels like the dating pool has shrunk. I don’t want to be the creepy 44-year-old guy dating 20 year olds and it seems like women my age have their shit together and they’re either married, in a relationship or just not interested in dating. I too have a hang up about online dating. Maybe I…