Okay okay okay!
here’s my story - it’s a brief one!

When my husband and I got engaged, I was living with a roommate. To save money for the wedding, rather than re-upping my lease, I moved back into my childhood home. This meant my parents and grandparents (who lived there) were always keeping an eye out to be sure we weren’t fornicating.

So, being creative, young…

Yep, that was pretty much my response. I was still processing that when he filled me in about the wife and drug dealer he was on the run from. This was all in about the first 10 minutes of the date. I was 21 and not really equipped to ease my way out immediately, especially as this was a double date with my friend and…

It was a long time ago, but I went on a date with a guy who seemed nice enough at first. After the usual small talk, he was like “Well, we gotta get it out of the way... Are you the man or the woman?”

I mean 18 is the age of consent in a lot of states, so...

I had one guy INSIST on telling me every single solitary thing he can no longer eat now that he’s had gastric bypass surgery (no more bubbly drinks! nothing like asparagus because it’s “too pointy,” etc.). Oddly the dealbreaker for me was that he also INSISTED that James Bond’s signature drink was a gin and tonic and…

Late to this party but chiming in anyway: In high school, I was thrilled to be asked to the homecoming dance by one of the star football players. The plan was to meet up after the game, then head to the gym for the dance. When I got to our designated meeting place, I was surprised to see that his entire family—mom,…

My parrot started imitating her moaning as she was going down on me. She starts laughing uncontrollably and I never got to finish. 

I had just broken up with my bf who my friends couldn’t stand. They browbeat me into going on a double date with friend, her bf and his newish roommate so that I wouldn’t be tempted to get back together with bf. 

I probably won’t get out of the greys but here’s one where I’m the horror. I was recovering from MRSA and on sedatives because I was allergic to the antibiotics. I didn’t realize you can’t mix sedatives and alcohol, so when I met my date at a brewery for a Match.com date, I blacked out. Apparently I greeted him with…

A guy I knew from high school. Found me on fb when we were about 28/29. He wanted to get dinner. Ok, sure. After the meal had arrived, he got a phone call that sounded serious. He asked the caller, “Are you ok? Do you need me to come?” I thought, “No way. This m-effer is pulling the fake emergency call on me!” He got…

There was this sexy AF guy I met through my college internship who was the first guy for whom I’d ever made the first move and asked him out myself. He agreed even more enthusiastically than I’d hoped for and, after a phone chats, we planned to meet up for drinks, dinner, and a downtown stroll.

I went out with this dude I wasn’t particularly interested in, because he introduced himself to me at a club as a good friend of my friend Vince, saying Vince thought we would hit it off.

Bad tinder date: Guy did not tell me he was legally blind (not important but is relevant to this next part), so, as a result, he informed he needed to sit VERY close to my face so he could see me WHILE HE HAD THE FLU. So here is this guy, sitting intentionally close to my face, while he has the plague, coughing and…

I already contributed, but I’m writing another one where *I* was the horror on the first date.

I was an adult woman and an adult man took me to a Buffalo Wild Wings located inside a movie theater on our first date, but we weren’t going to a movie. This was 2008-ish, so early enough that most people did not have smart phones and therefore didn’t necessarily have a camera in their pocket. After the server takes…

First Date: He took me to a great dinner, nice place, and during asked the waiter how much longer dinner would take, we had a show to get to. I, having no idea about the show, asked what we were seeing. He said he was taking me to the newly opened high class strip joint. I am young, I am impressionable, I have never…

LOL Andrew’s dad kills me. He’s hilarious this season too.

Love love love this show. Last season had me, at various times, laughing so hard that I was wheezing.

i've heard similar stories on the mysterious universe podcast (the best podcast ever)... my favorite is the one about the man who got off a plane with a passport from a country that doesn't exist (in this universe), with totally legit stamps from countries that DO exist, and he couldn't believe that he was being…