What happens on Fridays? In 2016 Bill Simmons’ show was cancelled on a Friday. Amazing things happen on Fridays. The new NFL Friday game. What will happen this Friday?

I felt like it was always missing Jalen and Jacobi to bring him back down to earth. His Shtick isn’t best solo, he’s best with a couple of buddies to play off of, kinda like how in Point Break, Keanu needed the grounded crazy of post Roadhouse Swayze and Pre-Predator 2 Gary Busey.

I think the Sports Guy Cartoon had more viewers.

That must be why his B.O. is knocking chicks unconscious behind him.

Yeah I was. And I knew some jerk-off would mention this. The difference here is that the Cubs were up 2-0 against the Pads in a Best of 5. They were the overwhelming favorites and they lost.

More like Turdsday Night Football amirite?

Cubs fans = Ferris Bueller, Eddie Vedder, Bill Murray

Both embody Chicago. With the Cubs you forgot suburbanites who call four square blocks of bars “the city,” but with the White Sox you forgot the virulent racism/homophobia and babyrage inferiority complex. Chicago sports fans embody a rich tapestry of shitty humans, no need to pick one in front of the other

Not at all hot take time: No one gives a shit about the Sox

When life gives you lemmings, steal lemonade.

Only Deadspin and the Financial Times.

It took 30 years of working at Burger King for you to feel ashamed?

“Hi! It looks like you’re trying to run an A-2 Gap Slant? Would you like help running an A-2 Gap Slant?”

Nothing like a cold glass of Schitz.

Isn’t Bud Light shitty enough to begin with?

“I am going down in the boat with Ryan Fitzpatrick.”

“My nasal cavities are yuge, just tremendous nasal cavities. They’re unbelievable cavities, the best, really. Just wait, you’re gonna love ‘em. They’re such great nasal cavities that, unfortunately, the slightest sound of air passing through them is picked up by a broken microphone. That’s the microphone’s fault. …

One of the moments I’ve really noticed that I’m getting old was the last time that I tried to play a Madden Game (‘14) and it was just too complicated for me. The realization that I found a video game to be confusing was hugely depressing. I called a younger cousin to get help, and instantly knew how my mom felt all…