Woopwoopwoopwoopwoop. It’s our daily double! How much of your privacy would you like to wager?

I’ll take BULLSHIT for $1000, LeVar.

“Hooters has good wings” is the “I read Playboy for the articles” of sad middle aged businessmen. 

Can’t wait to hear how Ben Shapiro can’t please his wife to this

Impressive comment/user name synergy. 

Everyone in that bar:

Well, we do need more organ donors

Suddenly a skit I saw on SNL last weekend makes a whole lot more sense now.

AOC showed up for us while Ted Cruz and Ken Paxton *spits on ground twice* absconded to Mexico and Utah during one of the worst weeks in the state’s history.

I just scream out “Bitch be cool!!” in my best Samuel L Jackson voice.

In fairness, we’re not sending our best people.

Seriously, why is she spending American dollars in Mexico. Doesn’t she know they still owe us all that money for the wall? Why isn’t she vacationing with Americans in the heartland?

She’s from Midland, TX. All of this might actually win her that mayoral seat she went after before. 

He knows what you did.

And if you think this doesn’t matter because Canadians are ‘nice’ you should know that the R.C.M.P. have automatic rifles in every squad car. We’re just nice when it suits us.

I feel like Colonel Sanders has it coming.

You can tell she goes for looks over money

I have a real pet peeve when I hear women threaten a man to “fuck him up”. Ladies don’t do it, don’t say it. All you are doing is gonna get you man beat up and/or you beat up. There are some crazy people who will take you up on that offer, and you are not Ms Elizabeth and he is not Randy Savage. 

https://cookpad.com/us/recipes/3300150-snail-and-dry-fish-stew