+1

To respect his dying wishes Bill will not be buried in a box, but rather he will be cremated and his ashes spread over a Little League field, allowing him to forever touch those who touched him most.

Houston Texans

Yeah, that was kind of the point of pasting the italicized quote from the article prior to constructing the fictional dialogue. Blowing and/or jerking off another guy is usually a solid indicator that a dude is not straight.

So I guess all that pro-Papas talk was just bullshit.

Lauren, it was a play on words. Getting cut, as in shredded, from taking steroids. Obviously, the guy was a terrible person. Maybe add "Don't take comments on Deadspin seriously" to your list of New Year's resolutions.

Mostly straight guys, and they always at the very least touch and play with them a little. Some have even sucked me off so THAT was always the wild thing, the straight guys giving me head....

Not only does he starve, imprison, and sell his people into slavery, but, judging by that picture, that summabitch also sits on them during extended dinner conversations.

If you were to substitute "Record deal" for "iTunes," I bet this is eerily similar to an early, collective Christmas list of the Jackson 5.

Judging by his choice of receivers both past and present, I'm guessing "White Christmas" has to be near the top of his list.

If that kid is lucky, the only way anyone will ever call him a "chip off the old block" is if his dad runs him over and he ricochets off the crankcase.

It only makes sense that the guys who only have 3 would spend a lot more time fingering than guys with 6 or more.

I didn't even have to watch the video to see that Bilas is a huge Dick fan.

Whether he'll admit it or not, after hearing this I can guarantee you Jay is on pins and needles. Well, at least needles.

To make matters worse, today the man replaced the sign with the following:

His explanation is kind of a letdown, really. I thought he was doing a dynamite Tom Coughlin impression.

I think the main thing we can take away from this is that "Lvl9LightSpell" didn't accomplish jack shit from 2007-2008.

That's nothing. I heard the entire Braves ownership group jumped at a stadium a few weeks ago and lots of people are still trying to figure that out too.

Despite many of them having the best internet connection money can buy, the majority of Heat fans are still complaining about bandwagonwidth issues.

What the hell, Coach Mike? You didn't protect this house at all.