+1

He posted the same thing on his Facebook feed but he deleted it after he heard people were trying to 'Share' his status.

Te'o: Unfortunately, Gene, Kekua's death certificate was lost in the mail after accidentally getting run through a shredder and subsequently caught fire while being used to put out an orphan who spontaneously combusted.

+1

+1

Now that they've both had their "first times," A.C. would like to remind Tony that he came first. I mean, it took, like, 5 or 6 seconds, tops.

He's sounds pretty broken up until you find out he nicknamed his penis "The Truth."

Oh, I don't think it'll bother anyone. Every time I've been around parabolas I've seen nothing but smiles.

[some text]

I used to own a fat spider myself until I forced him to lay off the cricket.

You know, if all Mr. Te'o wants is to see someone not deliver for anyone he could just watch the replay of his son playing against Bama.

You're such a dick!!!+1!

Team: M-D! M-D!

Sorry, Tim, but that shirt has nothing to do with Christmas Vacation. It's actually a question to his financial adviser, Jack Clark, who recently told Curt to invest his remaining money in luxury automobiles.

Killing time in Texas has never been easy on Kennedys. They almost always end up losing face.

Keep up the good work, Jerry.

"So, what do you want to say to your millions of fans after so many years of you knowingly putting so many harmful, body-altering substances into your person?"

+1

/refreshes screen

Tirico: Hey, bud, did you go to the BCS title game?