That is what we had! And I loved it. But it wasn’t so much a backsplash as kind of a “here’s the kitchen and everything’s this height, and then there’s some wall, and then there are cabinets” and the wall was subway tile. He thought it looked cheap for some reason. And I said, “No, it’s classic subway tile, it’s the…

I will never forgive these shows for popularizing to the point of fetishization “backsplashes.” All the househunters comment on the quality or lack of one. When we bought our apartment my husband insisted we have one. I didn’t care, he paid for it, but it took three workmen two solid days to handplace hundreds of…

The strange thing about all the property-related shows is how Canadian, and especially Toronto-centric, they are. Just watch the credits. The Film Board of Ontario, or whatever it’s called, shows up a lot. In my imagination Toronto has about 120 million inhabitants, and they spend their lives loving-and-listing their…

I read some kind of exposé, maybe even here on Jez or Gawker, where all the HH stuff is fake and scripted, and if you, like me, place bets on which place the couple is going to go for, you should normally pick the place that’s furnished. Why? Because the couple already live there, and that’s their stuff they’re…

I know someone who had someone like you when he was growing up. He’s now a successful published author. I will thank you on his behalf! And on the behalf of all of us, really. A literate, engaged citizenry is the stable foundation every functioning society needs.

The wife might have been a little self-involved. I like the architecture aspect too, but I really like when the househunters are shown appliances. Like there’s a drawer the size of a breadbox and they ask “What is that?” and it’s the dishwasher or a dryer in an attic or something. There was an interesting US Virgin…

I keep having to change my username constantly because I use burner accounts and keep losing my kinja key or whatever it’s called. This latest go ‘round I considered making mine DEFLATEGATE!!! but I didn’t want to piss off any Pats fans (I am one!)

I LOVE HHI because they purposely find people who come off as absolutely repulsive or at least moronic. Did you happen to catch the ep where some couple from somewhere like St. Louis move to a Caribbean island and they won’t live in one place because it overlooks the harbor and they’re cruise ship employees who hate…

Last year I came THISCLOSE to sending out a Christmas card featuring me holding my new puppy who had a visible erection. I’m don’t think my relatives and clients would have appreciated that, but my friends would have loved it.

One of the great things you have going on is your username. I’ve been meaning to tell you this for months. You are a Pats fan I take it, or a native of upstate NY, or maybe both?

I love your comments and you’ve always been so generous to me by recommending my responses and lifting me out of the grays…can I ask what you teach? I was really lucky growing up and had lots of wonderful teachers; I’m sure your students are having the same luck I had!

A RINO is a Republican In Name Only. I think Dixie Carter was just the opposite, a Republican who was a Democrat In Charater Only. But two things: She was in her 40s when DW began and she played a strong, sexually desirable business owner, which was a rare character portrayal for 1986. Also, poor Julia Sugarbaker,…

It’s turtle time for you!

Working (from home. The entire weekend.) When I got laid off years ago I realized I could survive by freelancing so I do that. The most dishonest advice I ever got was, “When you freelance you can always say no.” The truth: When you freelance you can never say no. The upside is I’m socking money away and hope to be…

Many years ago I was on a flight and a passenger had something, I can’t even remember what, nothing rare or anything, and there was no room in the overhead bins for it. So a really nice flight attendant said she’d take it and put it in a closet. Not the cargo hold, just up in business class. And the guy insisted he’d…

No, I’m agreeing with you! It’s like discovering that W. H. Auden had written “Boogie Fever.”

I would have self-emancipated.

This is why I’m glad I never had children, I would do that. When my niece was in kindergarten I said, “You know, that’s a German word, it means ‘children garden’, and I can speak German.” She was fascinated by this and asked me how to say different things. She asked me how to say “ow!” and I said “Scheisse!” That…

Have you ever seen the movie “I Love You Man”? One of Paul Rudd’s worst, but Rush, and the love of Rush, is a major plot point.

Oh yes those were the days! When I was very young, maybe not even in kindergarten, that song was popular, and my even younger sister and I loved it, we knew all the words, and we’d belt it out like a couple of nostalgic barflies. My mother used to have her cronies over and ask/tell us to perform it. La-da-da-DAH, my…