“Not un-dumb”. Classic. One million stars for you.

I think the thought process of beginning overtime with an onside kick goes something like “Oh, they said that the slant pass at the goal line to end the superbowl was the stupidest call ever. Wait until they see this!”

Open the door. If it is the girl scouts, order some samoas. If it is the JW’s, maybe “accidently” drop the towel? Ooops!

If you have a friend who is a lawyer, you can ask them about this scenario. I think they might suggest that you avoid the dangle dance. It is an area of law that varies with jurisdiction, but “lewd behavior in public” is a thing, and the “lewd behavior” becomes “public” when you open the door (in some jurisdictions).

Of course not. What part of sofa do you not understand? Settee is also acceptable, perhaps a couch, but never, ever a futon. Heathen. I hope you feel bad about yourself for even asking.

Stop watching football. Watch this instead:

Like I said depends on the state, but getting out of the shower and walking from the bathroom to the bedroom naked is different that wagging your sausage around as you stand in front of a window as the kids get off the schoolbus. One is “within your rights”, the other is “WTF, cut the crap pervo. I’m calling the cops.”

No, being naked in your house is OK, but when you open your door and start introducing strangers to your close friend Mr. Harry S. Johnson, then you have just crossed the line. Depending on the state, you might want to invest in some curtains too.

It appears that we will not agree on the role of sports and phys ed in schools. Good news: we don’t have to. Things we can agree on:

I don’t think our message should be too progressive. The aliens will be seriously bummed when they get here. Our message should be something like:

I applaud his diligence in trying to repel the JW’s, but technically, that is illegal as fuck.

As a taxpayer, who helped pay for the police and the coast guard, I resent God taking credit for my contributions.

That’s the kind of thinking that will get you sent directly to the fiery pits of hell, created by God, who is also sending you there, because he loves you.

Is it just me, or does it seem like most talmudic scholars are interpreting the torah using a mad-lib book. “You can eat ____, but not with ____, unless you are _____. If talmudic scholars were all teenage boys, kosher laws would be mostly about boobs and farts.

Jesus is a myth. Ba’al is totally real. I got an Xbox for Ba’aalmas last year.

I used to say “religion is not a stupidity contest.” One day I realized that religion is in fact a stupidity contest, and I became an atheist.

...and do you oppose gym class? Art class? Chess club? All are distractions in some sense. I enjoyed playing a sport —even on a team that sucked— without ever getting in a fight with an opponent or beating down a teammate. (Our BBall team stunk out loud. We lost one game by 40 points. Still had a great time.) And…

Nice try Georgia, but you are still on the JV crazy team, just couldn’t make it to the Varsity squad like your crazier brother Florida.

So is volleyball, beach or indoors.

I object to being coerced into not killing my boss by some overreaching legal system that threatens to send me to jail if I exercize my conscience... You know, my conscience that tells me to kill that evil, evil man.