So their baby is the reincarnation of Michael Jackson?

This is possibly the most humorless thing I’ve read in a while. “#Adulting” is obviously a joke, meant to be taken as such. Most of the time I see it, it’s used by the person saying it to skewer themselves for being childish or lazy, not to garner praise.

okay but i finally learned how to fold a fitted sheet and that was a proud moment

Huh. I’m surprised that she hadn’t done improv prior to Reno 911, because she was flat out fucking amazing on that show. I <3 her.

I had one of my children ask me when they were younger, mommy, are we rich? I said, who is we?

Perfect. This was perfect. You are perfect.

Hold up... I thought Lucas got bought out. She killed him? I mean, I didn’t like the prequels either, but that seems harsh, Carrie.

In a series of tweets, the bigoted folk hero accused a woman of sleeping with a “dirty Muslim,”

Not trying to be flip here, but please. Everyone. Stop dating this guy. For a lot of reasons.

Their wikipedia page makes the color of the year sound so sinister.

Marsala was flat out nasty. In my very humble opinion.

Pink and blue, eh?

“dribbles before he shoots”
oh fucking ew.

Perfect use is on par with perfect use in condoms. I’d be curious to compare “typical use” of the two methods.

I seriously do not understand people that use the “pull out method”. That’s not a method. That’s having unprotected sex and hoping for the best.

My dad, who is partial to women with teeny tiny frames, used to sort of whack my awkward pubescent shoulders and ask “When did you get such broad shoulders?” As if he thought patting them hard enough would magically shrink them down. I felt ashamed that I apparently had a body no man would like.

Her hitting him with the flowers is just THE BEST