“What scar? OMG where did that come from?!!!”

I’m filing a class action suit against Gawker Media to cover the cost of my shovel and the shovels of all the others who just read this.

Well, yeah, duh. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

A woman can still scream “Richard Simmons is the father!”

Maybe he’d feel more comfortable responding to crises impulsively after a nice reading of “My Pet Goat.”

“fantinethefair”

Of course you would, Leslie/Amy Poehler.

Tina Fey and Michael Caine

Thank god someone else said it. I had a momentary twinge of “am I being too snarky?”

No, but I will be incorporating “shits & gigs” into my vocabulary.

My parents did it in the mid-90s. Everyone gets along weirdly well, so agreements regarding my sister and I were as informal as allowed. My dad paid minimal child support in cash weekly. Custody arrangement: weekdays at mom’s, weekends or partial weekends (we had a rotating schedule) with dad. Holidays were primarily…

Kids can be the shittiest little humans sometimes.

Well, that’s a strangely transparent metaphor come to life.

Sephora sells a solid cleanser that’s pretty good. The major benefit is that it has a nubby little rubber thing that you use really get in there.

Jon Hamm as Don = super sexy smart. Jon Hamm speaking as Jon Hamm makes me think 30 Rock was completely accurate.

Don’t know who this is. I’m assuming Greece is now selling off antiquities to red carpet events to pay off its debt.

The netting makes this the most dangerous figure skating outfit ever created.

You’re a genius.