When you saw him after the 2 month break, did you talk about your relationship? Is that why it blew up?

I put absolutely no pressure on him to do anything. I tried very hard not to because I didn’t want to be more invested in our future than he was. We agreed to do a trial where I lived with him for a week and it went really well. We discussed the fact that I would pay half of his housing expenses every month, so he…

I feel like that’s a lesson I’m probably going to have to learn the hard way...

I know, and I told him I would understand if he doesn’t want to be in my life anymore. It just all happened so suddenly! One night, we’re watching RuPaul’s Drag Race and eating nachos, and a few nights later, our relationship is over.

Thank you! Me and my bottle of wine greatly appreciate your advice!

Hmmm, that’s good to keep in mind. Geez, I hope I’m not really like that guy...

Nope, she’d never say that. She loves him and misses him too.

I’m not going to. I’m going to do my very best to give him as much space as possible. I just don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep it up. I really want to wait until he reaches out to me. I’m going to try as hard as I can.

I understand the realities of the job market right now, but honestly, I’m super burned out on my dissertation and I no longer find my career to be the most important thing in my life. Yes, I’d like to teach at a liberal arts college somewhere eventually, but I entered this program a sweet little naive creature who…

Thank you for your perspective, and I know you’re right. I need to give him time and distance.

Thank you! I needed to read that.

You’re right, but it’s hard because I want to be there for my ex. If something happened to him, it’s so hard to accept that I wouldn’t be part of his support system anymore. But I know I need to accept that I’m not, and until we can try to build a friendship, if he ever lets that happen, I’m not part of his life.

Sadly, I was the one who initiated the break up. I’m finishing a PhD program next year and he is just starting one this year. I was ready to commit to staying here for our relationship, by putting my career on the back burner and looking for a local job until he finishes, but he didn’t seem ready to make that kind of…

Sorry to bring up ex-related thoughts!

I feel like my concern is fairly genuine, but maybe it’s not. I had a past relationship that may have traumatized me a bit. A different ex threatened to commit suicide after we had a fight, and it might be contributing to these irrational fears. I don’t know. I know that he’s emotionally okay. He’s super strong and is…

I don’t think that hooking up is going to be a huge issue for us. Physical chemistry and sex were never the most important things for us. I just want to be able to spend time with him. Go to movies, go to dinner, go to weird plays that no one else I know is interested in, etc. I just want the friend and companion part…

It’s far too late to worry about the former. She is my ultimate confidante, after all. But there’s absolutely no chance of the latter :(

No and no. We were friendly with each other’s friends, but not that friendly. I have absolutely no way of indirectly checking to make sure he’s okay.

You are extremely right. I know he’s going to move on whether I contact him or not. He’s a really strong person, and emotionally he’s going to be okay.

Seriously? 3-6 months sounds like forever! Is there no one here who believes that we could be friends sooner than that? I would actually like to know that, and should have asked it in my initial post: