I assume Jake Gyllenhaal is busy?

Infinity dollars on someone’s ex-husband or ex-boyfriend.

Hayward Prefers ‘Tics Over ‘Eat, ‘Azz

The ‘Tics? Fuck you and your dog too

Calling it now; if the shooter is non-white Trump will tweet about it within 24 hours. If the shooter is white he won’t tweet at all.

This title made me think I was going to read about an 800 meter race that began with an old lady and finished with a fetus splashing across the finish line.

This ain’t the Chez Francois, pal!

Stop this bad habit. Finish the food before you serve it to them. This is how they will come to appreciate good, well finished food.

It makes me laugh that the lawyer you spoke to is called Rachel Green, because she didn’t qualify for an annulment.

The Kings are doing some really special things right now.

He’ll respawn at the hospital in a few anyway.

GOOD LORD.

I don’t think people grasp how HUGE a Desert Eagle .50 cal pistol is and the size of the bullet.

This is really one of those golden opportunities for me. I mean, what if I call and we really hit it off? I’m just saying what if MY call is the ONE CALL he answers out of thousands and we vibe. I feel like we would vibe, me and Jimmy Butler the professional basketball star. It would probably start slow. Like he’d…

a girl who I wasn’t interested in asked for my number

Shawn Long’s Lawn Blog

You shut your fucking mouth.

This is the John Clayton ponytail of our time.

Perhaps we are looking at this thing from the wrong angle. For a moment, go ahead and squeeze all of your muscles so your soul squirts out of your nose. There. Now you are a killer. Now you are the business prophet. Your mother approaches you and all you can see is a complex diagram of revenue and cost. It’s trying to…