I can’t even get tickets to Hamilton in my dreams.

...good for blowing your load AND loading your blow.

EXCEPT FOR THESE GUNS!!!

bernie saunders tho

I wonder if his pickup line was “trans women rape the existence of real women.”

Attention all news outlets:

SHAKING BAD

Investigators discovered the servers were clogged with very large amounts of Jello pudding.

SPURNED & BURNED

fuck all of them; josephina was where it was at

Yes, but when it comes to interpreting the Establishment Clause the devil is in the details.

Do woman want equality to the point where a guy can punch them, just like a guy would punch another guy?

I don't think the point of the payday loans segment was to shame the people who needed them but rather the predatory loaners who through exuberant interest percentages were taking advantage of people who were desperate.

So how many fedoras do you own?

Well, I’m a guy and I wouldn’t laugh “I’m gonna rape you and then cut off your head” off and move on with my life. I agree too many people get offended too fast, but those tweets are horrible dude.

I make it a policy to burn bridges hard after breakups, so I never got to find out what the exes who matter thought. When I found out my ex-fiancé had gotten engaged though (a couple years before I was happily committed), I went and got drunk and talked mad shit about him and his bride to a sympathetic friend.

you’ve definitely struck a nerve for all us non-Hallmark daughters and sons- so thank you. As a survivor of a toxic mother I want to offer a way for people like me to take mother’s day and make it a day for us too- like Galentines- I go and visit a lovely lady at a care home who has early stage Alzheimer’s- it’s a…