That was my thought. A 75 minute dinner felt rushed? Dude you placed a reservation; you didn’t take up a short term lease on space in the dining room.

2 whole incidents in 2 years? That’s not ‘in the news a bit’, that’s just the fallibility of anything built by man. How many car accidents have to be reported before you guys go full on hermit?

That’s how it was for me growing up. Everybody was allotted one burger. After that you were supposed to fill up on dogs and corn on the cob. 

I’ve heard good things about Crybaby Craig’s; been meaning to check them out.

Ducks make pretty decent pets. Unlike uniformly psychotic chickens, ducks usually have pretty chill personalities. They are also very hardy. They rarely get sick, love the rain, and only require the most basic shelters. You do have to feed them and keep them warm in the winter, but that goes for any pet.

Other parts of the world eat a lot more ducks. Grocery stores stock different kinds of eggs like duck and quail.

Not to over analyze a feel good children’s movie about a sports playing dog buuttt... I always felt that line was really stupid. Like every school league in the entire world has a rule that the athlete’s competing have to be enrolled in the school they play for. (Or in Catholic school leagues a member of the church or…

To be fair Aardvark is way over rated. Lots of heat, but mostly lacking in that sweet sunshine-and-fruit habanero flavor.

The best way to avoid fiery bunghole is to eat spicy foods on the regular. It’ll take a couple weeks, but eventually your body adapts. The same process can eliminate the flatulence caused by eating beans. Your digestive tract gets better at breaking things down the more practice it gets.

If you are not very tolerant of spiciness check out D.L. Jardine’s Texas Champagne. It’s bursting with delicious cayenne flavor, but contains no heat to speak of.

Yeah, there was an Asian massage parlor that got shut down around where I live. They had guys out front giving legitimate back rubs, and gals in private rooms giving hand jobs.

I would imagine you can get a full tax write off for them. If I can write off half my laundry expenses for a year because I have to launder my work clothes, then this kid’s parents should be able to write off self lacing shoes for his CP.

I used to manage a Deli and we had our tip jar stolen one day. Guy came up to pay for his meal and the sight of a couple hundred bucks just chilling in a jar on the counter was too much temptation so he grabbed it and ran. Ten minutes later, while we were in the middle of getting his face and license plate from our…

He made his own bed and refuses to lie in it. He had offers (Seattle, Baltimore, Denver), but they weren’t starting gigs with long term contracts attached so he refused. As it turns out the market for a career 59% passer with 7.3 yards per attempt isn’t very strong. Whodathunkit?

I’ll admit to thinking The Man Show was awesome when I was an adolescent. One episode they had a sketch about the most annoying athlete personalities and one was called the ‘Jesus Repeatus’. Pretty much nailed the way we all feel when blowhards repeatedly bring up the ‘will of god’.

Like watching a second tier AFC playoff team pants New England in September. Fun for a moment, but ultimately meaningless once the new year rolls around.

I did something similar with my action figures. I remember the  deep sea diver batman with only one arm (the golden retriever got a hold of him) was amazing at running the triple option. After Christmas or my birthday I would draft any new action figures into the league and maybe execute a few trades. I also had a…

I had a professor try to ‘truth bomb’ one of my classes by pointing out that we all sat in the same seats every day even though there was no assigned seating. We went around the room and it turned out EVERYONE had a reason for choosing the seat they did beyond just ‘that’s where I sat yesterday’. I can’t hear very…

That is an interesting distinction I had not thought about. Most people who receive tips provide a service you seek out specifically, and they provide basically the totality of that service. Servers and bartenders are a cog in a greater service. A restaurant can’t function without all of its metaphorical cogs, and the…

I mistakenly charged a ten dollar tip to the wrong card on big table once. Lady complained to her credit card company and they took the money from the restaurant electronically to give back to her. Didn’t even bother to tell us they were doing it.