If you’re using logic while masturbating, you’re doing it all wrong.

Was he Italian? If it has a meat component (like in the stock) Italians will call a number of red sauces ‘gravy’. He was basically eating spaghetti sauce.

Not saying the Sixers are front runners to sign Lebron, but he’s played on below max contracts before, and the Sixers have a good bit of cap room, and it’s a soft cap. Philadelphia can absolutely sign Lebron without losing anyone important.

I mean don’t all pipes look like a pipe bomb?

I never really took note of the lyrics to ‘The Wanderer’ until Bethesda used it for their Fallout 4 advertisements. Narrator is a dog.

That is a very comprehensive breakdown. Pretty bleak if you are a Raptors fan.

Evolution is not the same thing as scientific engineering. For maximum survivability of both the individual and the species humans mutated to have an internal temperature of x and a sperm temperature of y. You see it as an unnecessary vulnerability, but the current setup was a competitive advantage at one point.

Was he not wearing a cup? Your junk can still get squashed pretty hard while wearing a cup, but at least surgical intervention could have been avoided.

Average internal body temperature for a human being is too warm for sperm production. Testes gotta be external or humanity would have gone extinct from a lack of viable swimmers.

When did she go from crooner with bad hair to upper pantheon musical goddess? Because if there was a meeting y’all forgot to send me note. I would have argued strenuously that she be relegated to the dustbin of musical history, untimely death be damned.

I agree, every swan and goose in existence deserves to be kicked in the head and/or endlessly harassed with a low powered BB gun. But Florida man also kicked a duck, and ducks are the shit so fuck this guy.

Atlanta drafted Vick.

They seem to handwave context as being unimportant next to their supremely nuanced woke-as-2018 criticism.

You would absolutely adore Book of the New Sun.

I don’t believe that was a bigoted slip by Brian Davis. The phrases ‘cotton-pickin’ and ‘cutting in high cotton’ are not supposed to have racial connotations. Unfortunately what we have is a ‘niggard’ situation where they sound an awful lot like a racist insult.

Wait, Emma did you link to a SBNation article? Isn’t that sort of tacitly acknowledging that they aren’t the spawn of Bill Cosby and Ivanka trump fornicating on an indian burial ground in blog aggregate form? Or is being a Duke graduate so corrosive to the soul that your Deadspin colleagues forgive you for any…

You’ll want something with a gore tex (or equivalent) membrane, not full on water proof. If you get water inside of a water proof shoe (like foot sweat, or rain, or the water crossing was deeper than anticipated) it will NEVER dry out. Pulling a wet shoe onto your foot is unpleasant on its own, but wet feet can lead…

Honestly, the per capita density of spiders is probably greater in your warm dry house than the outdoors.

The no cook thing is really on an individual basis. I’ll leave the whisperlite at home for an overnighter and marvel at the weight savings. On a multi day trip (when I could really use the weight savings) it is a non starter. I’ll have an emotional breakdown if I’m taxing my body and there is no hot grub for days.

Life Pro Tip: Beat their asses. Seriously, you’re bigger than them. You know every kind of annoying person that people love to complain about in the funbag? Bad Parenting. If you don’t force your children to eat their veggies and clean their room (RIGHT FUCKING NOW), you are creating an asshole that the rest of us…