Fuckin’ Ham Porter on his phone.

Need to Irish up your coffee Anna.

This is likely Greg’s last post as a Deadspin staffer, and that is both deeply sad and entirely appropriate.

Darren Rovell epitomizes what is wrong with American politics, among other institutions. He has cynically broken down a human endeavor into its component parts, and embraced the removal of all that is good (however intangible and not directly applicable to a balance sheet/cynical electoral calculus) as a virtue. And…

“Would Hillary Clinton swallow all of your cum or would it be more of a Lorena Bobbitt situation?”

Celtics fans are very comfortable with liberal use of the n word as well.

Burger King hot dogs are a bit pricier than ideal, with the Classic going for $1.99 and the Chili Cheese $2.29. It feels ridiculous to call a perfectly good two-buck sandwich overpriced,

Dear Lord, the masses are not going to stop hanging out at Hamptom Beach just because of some female nipples. Trust me, there's way worse sights to be seen there and that doesn't stop them.

I pretty much gave up on the thought of having crushes on other women besides my wife once I realized that I’m already enough of a disappointment to one woman so why make it worse.

Off topic.

Watching the debate last night gave me a lady honer.

Look. His hands are small. He knows. But, come on. They’re not yours, they are his own.

A good dog.

I think the answer is easy. Have an orgy with all the GOP candidates so they all leave. You’re welcome America.

No

OH MY GOD DO YOU GUYS EVER TAKE A BREAK, GO READ A BOOK AND HAVE A CUP OF TEA AND DO SOME SUDOKU OR SOMETHING

Make Earth Great Again

Your insistence on properly identifying parts of speech is what’s keeping us from the revolution