Right? I won’t kid myself. I’d be Pablo Sandoval.

Was this the worst business trip of all time? Or the best?

I dunno. I mean, I’d probably fuck alotta people to save the country if it’d really work. But does Trump dropping out really do anything for us?

Truly, he is the President we deserve.

That’s a good cat

A righteous burn on Philips Academy

He’s like an eight foot version of the guy from The New Guy

Before you moved in, did your downstairs neighbor have the worst meat pies in London? San Francisco?

Ok, well, first we institute much higher marginal tax rates on high earners like tech-bro cry-baby here, then we use all that extra cash to fund homeless shelters, subsidized healthcare, and addiction clinics and drug awareness programs. Problem not solved, but at least ameliorated.

“You know, we have this Muslim, Kenyan, Socialist ruining our country and letting it be over-” [aide whispers in Trump’s ear]

that sounds so good.

I assume she doesn’t really need the money, but what idiot is going to ruin future speaking fees by bad mouthing the people paying you to speak to them?

I’m pretty sure this is not the first time he’s admitted it.

Counterpoint: That haircut’s awesome.

Skipped ahead just to say that. Guinness is the go-to diet beer.

Hold on, I don’t get this. Let’s say we really think this guy straight up assaulted a referee in the middle of a game. How is 20 games reasonable for that?

Are we asking whether he can dunk in the “Can Steph Curry Dunk?” sense, or in the “Can he jump high enough to put a basketball through the rim on a regulation height hoop while at least grazing the rim with his fingers/hand?” Because if it’s the latter then, yeah, of course he can fucking dunk

Was this the story Deadspin was investigating/searching for tips about the last year or so?

I can’t believe he says it so nonchalantly. In what other type of case where someone sues for damages and wins would he suggest donating the damages to charity instead of, you know, compensating the loss suffered?

God, yes. I’d feel terrible about it though