Chiefs Fan: [stands up]

They literally killed themselves? Man, I thought a mass suicide by football players would have been bigger news than Wayne tearing an ACL.

BREAKING: "Boston sports press tries to blame something other than team for loss..."

Don't you mean Bill Callahan for not changing the calls?

The guy behind her has that "somebody has shit her pants" expression, no?

This isn't a joke, and I apologize, but Thad Castle from Blue Mountain State needed to be recognized.

Yep, totally the same. On the one hand, an organized game where you get hit on literally every play at some positions. On the other hand, the chance of accidentally running headfirst into a tree during a game of tag. I just ran the numbers and the potential for head trauma is identical for both.

My wife and I watched the "League of Denial" documentary just last night. While I very much enjoy watching football, and will continue to do so, we both reached an immediate consensus after the program ended that there's no fucking way in hell we're letting our sons play.

This is freaking Vermont at it's finest. No matter where you go you know someone who knows someone you know.

Casual Fan: [Watches slim blond flail about to ten-year-old dance music]
[Continues watching blond dance as if inebriated]
[Yawns]
[Stops watching Patrick Kane goal celebration; returns eyes to Ellen episode]

It's entirely possible that I know you. Are you originally from Greensboro? I'm one of Glenn & Mary's grandkids.

Truth hurts, eh? Drop a flower at Dollar Bill's grave for me, if you're not all tired out from all the bandwagoning and know who that even is.

Thank you for saving me the hassle of typing this myself.

"Adrian Peterson helped the Vikings pull out a miracle playoff run in 2012, but his failure to pull out of a sticky situation led to a lesser-known miracle. Adrian gets protection from the Vikings, but why not the Trojans?"

She obviously doesn't admonish unprotected snacks.

Funny how the people who often complain about others having too much sex are the ones who look like they don't have sex very often at all.

Rice may get some results now, but how long until everyone is left feeling empty again?

Brady has kids with two different women, one of whom he is married to. Antonio cromartie has thirteen kids with eleven different women in nine different states. You dont see a difference there? Cromartie has more baby mothers than brady has kids

No surprise how Todd turned out

Sounds like you might need the extra height, what with everything going over your head.