I gotta say, Lizzo helps me get through some rough days.

I live in Florida, so: all of it.

Country House, Andy “The Destroyer” Ruiz Jr., Emma “The Butcher” Boettcher.

I am 1000% sure, at this rate, that Andrew Bogut is going to be the MVP of the series because the Raptors will find a way to lose despite the Warriors locker room turning into a WWI-era infirmary by Game 6.

Love this.

• Contestants have to spell words as if they’re being said by a native Philadelphian (i.e. “Water” must be spelled “Wooder”).

I was not the brightest child. No matter what my mother, and my refrigerator door, would tell you.

Okay, confession time...

I work in restaurants, and half the time I forget to sit down and have a meal, let alone have a drink during one.

I have it on good authority that this story is legit, they just leave out the detail about how they met for drinks with Biggie and Jam Master Jay afterwards.

I’ve read a lot of beer books, and I’ve never seen proper beer and food pairing described as “like Jadakiss and Styles P going back and forth on a Swizz track in the early 2000s.”

Personal favorites:

It’s the name that middle schoolers carve into the door of a bathroom stall with a fake phone number underneath it.

Mr. Thrower took out my favorite name of the competition: Alpha Omega Nickelberry IV, so this victory is well-deserved.

Two of the three restaurants I help manage have moved to both paper straws and the Impossible Burger, and one of those things has become incredibly popular.

I’m okay with him going to that part of London.

When I initially had visitors, I would ask them to break me out of the hospital and to smuggle inbeer and seltzer(?) for me.

This is bad kinja.

I am laughing. So. Hard. 

I know what I said.