Holy GOD.

My favorite party, ever, was one when I was 20. I had a crush on a guy I worked with, we had a couple of drunken make out sessions but I had decided to move on. He decided he was in love with me. He and his housemates threw a Halloween party and, as one walked in, there was a delightful cherub doling out mushrooms. We…

I enjoy Ernest Scared Stupid.

That makes Earnest Saves Christmas the Godfather I of movies.

Critics tend to agree that Ernest Saves Christmas and Ernest Scared Stupid are really two parts of a singular holiday Ernest narrative. Ernest Goes to Camp stands on its own.

Spring/Summer, 1986. I am a junior. My best friends parents are out of town. We schedule a party, the word spreads. We have a band scheduled (the core members of this band would later on become actual recording artists - you have heard of them). We had to prepare “Jen’s” house.

Too right. Everyone knows "Ernest Goes To Camp" is the best Ernest movie. 

The last time I drank tequila was in 1996. My BFF/roommate and I went to a party at a friend’s apartment. BFF was going to tell a boy she was in love with him, not knowing that he had chosen that occasion to announce his super-gayness. Whoops!

A couple of times in my shockingly long life I’ve had actual hair that long, or damn close to it. No matter how I wore it when it got to that length, it was heavy. Even when the weather cooperated and the humidity was low and the hair smooth, it was heavy. The ends got caught in stuff, like car windows, my purse…

Oh, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.  Shhhhhhh, just shhhhhh.  Take a nap.

I have to face the door. In rooms, in my office at work...

My ghost stories are not particularly scary. My dad built a bathroom into the end of a hallway in a house we used to live in, and sometimes while showering, you would see a man striding through on the other side of the curtain. It sounds like it would be scary, but in the moment, it would feel completely average and…

Sorry, this turned out longer than expected. It’s not creepy in the way typical horror stories are, but it’s a story I’ve always wanted to share, and this seems like an appropriate enough forum. My story takes place spring 2000. I was 17 and going through a rough time. One of my older brothers had unexpectedly passed…

This one happened to me a few years ago when I was in my early 30s. I live in a Southern California coastal town near a major university in a populated city but close enough to wilderness areas that encounters with skunks, possums, and raccoons are a daily/nightly part of life.

I have a somewhat timid pitbull (a…

This isn’t majorly scary, but it is completely true. When my sister and bro-in-law bought their house, there were a few creepy things about it. When they moved in we were surprised to find the tenants had left a bunch of ugly paintings hanging on the basement walls, only to discover they were hiding holes that looked…

The summer after my sophomore year of college, my parents asked me to house sit for them while they went out of town for a long weekend. At the time, they lived in a fairly remote area so it was a bit of a trek, but it was a big beautiful house on the lake and my parents’ pets were sweethearts. First night I actually…

When I was around ten years old, I had some friends at my house for a sleep-over. My parents were out for the evening, so we were in the care of my Noni, my Italian grandmother, who divided her time living with us and my two aunts. We decided to play with a Ouija board and scare ourselves. We huddled in my bedroom, tur…

The Argo

Yeah, the irony of their paranoiac recording device being the actual proof that resulted in his arrest is pretty delicious. I’m only slightly embarrassed by my extreme schadenfreude on this one.