Of course rather than those nasty dogs, let's bring in toddlers and their shit-filled diapers while Mummy and Daddy let their little bundles of bacteria handle the produce and crap in shopping carts.

"Ugh - but then you know that you shouldn't bring your puppy to stores because there are people who have allergies and etc..."

Check with this guy.

Loves Burger King, cokes, and Harlequin books. Anxiously awaiting her prince and Twinkies.

"So I finally said to Bruce, 'Your winkie is not as long or as thick as my finger compared to OJ's, so why not cut the damn thing off'. The good news is the toilet seat is always down!"

All Taylor needs for a disguise is a day without her epilator.

Everybody sing-a-long!

I'll take the challenge only if Jenny McCarthy explodes.

Only thing missing is the Rubic's Cube.

Move over, Sarah Palin. Another crazy dufus is ready to be the GOP vice-presidential nominee. No word if she can see Russia from her house.

Every time I see Heather I think of that James Bond movie "Golddigger".

Franklin went on to say, "Well, since Daddy's not raking in the big bucks anymore I'm as relevant as horseshit in a garage. I'm hoping Bill O'Reilly will have me on his show to discuss more fairy tales about Allah, Jesus, and The Flying Spook. It's my duty as a Christian to stir up all the imaginary shit I can think…

Then stop wearing diapers.

Joan has announced she'll be returning after just one more little procedure.

Someone forgot their tampons. And remember that Gideon Bibles are useful for rolling papers and thin toilet tissue.

Shouldn't the mental health of everyone in Alabama be suspect?

Air marshals should be given permission to dispose of singing turds, parents of obnoxious children (place the kids in stowage), flash mobs, any Kardashian, and Christian proselytizers out the blue ice hole at 30,000 feet.

Here's a still of Collins in his latest movie where he plays the romantic lead in a comedy made just for tweens.

Does the old Mom's nose work? You bet! She's smells money on her son's shit.

Nick: "Dr. Phil? Who's that? I thought I was going to talk to Dr. Pepper!"