Good thing there isn’t that much semen in New York.... oh god

Even a parody of these emails is hard to get through. Well done.

Durant’s never publicly denied being part of ISIS.. really makes u think

I think Herbie should be a little less loaded this time.

This is amazing. How are you still in the greys?

Ty Cobb would never have thrown a mouthguard down the stairs!

This about sums it up folks.

Now this is what I come to Deadspin for. Keep it coming!

I’d like to spend a minute to reflect on what a giant asshole Brent Burns is.

You may want to take the rest of the day off.

You are completely right. However, the internet rewards us for responding with snark and general dismissal.

For all women who hate Mammograms- Imagine having one if you are a man without breasts. This happened to me and two doctors stood behind me and shoved me into the machine while it pinched down on my non-breast so that there would even be something to x-ray. It was basically a medical purple nurple. Then again maybe it…

Any Mikan reference is an automatic star.

Welp, see you tomorrow.