Fuck this shit.

One day, some enterprising café owner will start offering cream cheese toast as an alternative to avocado toast, and then it’ll take off and then Bloomberg will tweet some shit like, “Millennials could afford cancer surgery if they didn’t spend so much every month on cream cheese toast!” That’s all coming. For now,…

I live in a place full of (white) manbabies who demand respect without being willing to give it to others. Giant lifted trucks, barbed wire tattoos on steroid-pumped upper arms, Punisher skulls, “black rifles” and “tactical” clothing: all of this is about signaling the world, “I DEMAND YOUR DEFERENCE.”

*Mother starts to open gift*
Mother: “What the hell is this?”
Me: “It’s Smeg, ma!”

“IT’S A FAHKIN’ PRESSUH COOKAH.”

Spare us all.