And then South Africa will have no vexing social divisions whatsoever.

Will the movie be very touchy-Fili?

Perhaps a figure like Jan Smuts can heal the wounds of the Anglo-Boer War?

If they were living today, they would have broken up over Star Trek or something.

I thought that was the best one. All that cool apocalyptic stuff would look great in a movie. A vulture-headed monster with six arms, worshipped by evil Muslim expies? Woo-hoo!

Does Tolkien's monk friend say things like "you shall not pass"? Perhaps in relation to his Latin homework?

How dare you, you….you ADDERCOP!

They should merge the character with the guy Tolkien's wife was engaged to before him. Show steamy sex scenes between Tolkien's wife and friend…young, freshly-cucked Tolkien looking dejected…the whole affair commemorated in nonsense rhyme.

These pun threads are mordor.

You get free junk food from 7-11 until the cops catch on.

You don't shove the credit card. You swipe it.

Haw Haw!

It continues to grow, its roots nourished by moist brains.

He'd look like the dad in Invincible.

And Armpit Hair Wonder Woman.

Pink kryptonite turns him into a homo:

Say, whatever happened to the aintitcoolnews article alleging this? It's almost as though it disappeared amidst threats of litigation.

Or if Cesar Romero refused to shave his…oh, never mind.

He should have written "Kleenex brand tissue."

Evangelical churches have been spreading the rumor that the chips contain the digits "999."