Well, ‘confuses last person still playing Pokemon Go.’

It’s a distinction that gun nuts make to try to derail gun control arguments. If you keep redefining and subdividing assault weapons, assault rifles, or whatever, to exclude your favorite penis replacement, then you never have to worry about it getting pulled off the market.

Yeah, I only vote for candidates that personally show up on my doorstep and pander to me, too. 

In the larger category of “things that can kill a lot of people very quickly”, that seems like a distinction without a difference. 

In a big family, there’s always one shitty sibling who everyone else can’t stand. Looks like we know which one it is in the Gosar brood.

In a way, each of us has a Bat-dick to face. For some, shyness might be their Bat-dick. For others, a lack of education might be their Bat-dick. For us, Batman’s dick is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal Bat-dick,…

Watch me. 

The only time I can say for certain that I got food poisoning was at a work-related dinner (so I was already miserable) at some shitty chain restaurant. A couple other coworkers, including a guy from out of state, got sick also, which pointed the finger at the food we had. It didn’t last long, fortunately. But over…

I once started to eat a bag of beef jerky that had molded up while it was still sealed. Fortunately I didn’t get in too far before I noticed the mold. I also once bought a box of Twinkies & found mold growing on a couple of them. I guess Twinkies aren’t quite as indestructible as everyone thought. 

It really sucks that Gary Jules’ crappy naval-gazing version is the first hit in Google, and that “Who did the original Mad World?” is the second.  

Smuh.

For that comment, you’re grounded!

Oooh, can’t wait to catch this 30th annual farewell tour!

Can you show us on this doll where Rian Johnson touched your childhood?

Damn! Welcome back to Junior High, me.

I’m not a big fan of Moore either, but I seriously doubt he wanted Trump to win. 

Ugh, the GABF... So many douchebags crammed into such a small area, fueling their rampant douchebaggery with beer that Gaffigan’s absolutely right about much more often than he’s not. I’d love to say hi, but I’ll be avoiding Downtown like the plague

Everybody get in here!

I would not mind having that Jeepster. Those things are so damn cool.

What luck! There’s a french fry caught in my beard!