I hate teenagers.

I hate Susan Sarandon and Jill Stein and their smugness so much that my knee-jerk reaction is to be like, BUILD THE PIPELINE.

*puts on sunglasses*

That’s what I look like when the BBQ is almost done.

Not only is the kid emancipated, but:

Over a thousand dollars? I was a super sick kid and I still didn’t jack up that much milage.

My issue is that they assume that you’ll be upgrading your home. I don’t like assumptions.

eh, she seems like the kind of woman where screwing her significant other would take you from step A to Hep C.

Alternatively, you could avoid all that and instead just screw her significant other. Really go straight from steps A to B without all that other stuff in-between.

#truth

And Oprah, for subjecting us to these fuckwads.

I remember Shelley Duvall from Fairy Tale Theatre. Anyone else watch that?

I really do not understand the cult of Oprah. She’s done some good things (like gave my favorite homeless shelter a million dollars) but she’s also introduced lots of crap to the world.

I really wish that Oprah had never brought Dr.’s Phil & Oz out of the grays.

True fact: Kansas still hasn’t ratified the 21st Amendment (the one that ended Prohibition).

I tried doing this with my dog, but he has his long-suffering, “I love you because you’re my human, but why do you hurt me so” sad puppy eyes down pat.

This is Skye. She can do this all damned day. Phhftt...she’s got this shit down.