I get that she’s being singled out because she’s famous. But you realize we’re taking a woman to task for a man’s racist costume, right?

THIS is “historically shitty”?

You’d think someone with IBS would have a good shitting in public story. But all I’ve got is the time I crapped my pants in my car when I couldn’t find a toilet in time.

You can either go all-out and encase your feet in tank-like apparatuses to protect them from every drop of water or you can embrace freedom.

I’m sorry!

I was making preparations to take classes at a fancy, big studio when I saw the owners were recruiting volunteers to tend the land at their country home. Because it’s yoga tradition to provide service for your guru. They wanted me to pay $20 a class AND mow their lawn.

Oh, I would have a full on fucking panic attack if locked into a room against my will. Fuck that bitch.

Exercising in a hot room is my idea of hell on earth. Just tell me that hell is doing hot yoga on fully-booked jet (full planes being my other idea of hell on earth) and I would turn into a living saint.

If were a journalist and someone told me “people pay $1 million for a drop of my semen,” I’d ask for the receipts.

I literally just LOLed. I don’t even know why.

I love grocery shopping. I always have. I know it’s weird.

I was heavy into the yoga scene when this guy started becoming a big name. I always got a creepy vibe from him and was in no way surprised when the allegations surfaced.

With age I just accepted that I hate socializing more than I dislike occasionally feeling lonely.

I wish I did. It’s full of hypocrites.

Or follow my stepmother’s example and say “I read in the newspaper/Newsweek/etc. that ... “ and insert your own batshit theory that your family is pretty sure you never read anywhere.

I respect the rule of law. Which says “don’t trespass and set other people’s shit on fire.”

I was quite proud of myself for making it out un-burned and un-skewered. It took a lot of care, though. I still wonder about their insurance premiums.

The mirror image of that is the people who are too afraid to admit they don’t control every aspect of their lives because it’s too scary to know you can do everything “right” and still have bad things happen. These are the people who see bad things happen to others and say they did something to bring it on themselves.…

What else are we gonna do? Just because most of everything is outside our control doesn’t mean there’s no enjoyment to be had in life. I’m one of the most fatalistic motherfuckers you’ll ever meet but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy.

I ate at The Melting Pot for the first time two years ago. I pounded a Long Island iced tea and then they lit a fire in the middle of my table, handed me skewers, and trusted me to cook raw chicken to proper done-ness. I said “Oh, shit. This was a bad idea.”