I dunno. Bernie would’ve been Coughlin if he were (1) still a coach in the league, and (2) Coughlin were innovative in any way.

so did Jay Cutler!

I was tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt because I once got a blowjob in the parking lot of the Rooster T Feathers comedy club, but then I realized Rooster T Feathers is in Sunnyvale, not Santa Clara.

My God, Miles Austin looks like the vampires from 30 Days of Night.

Presidential candidate NFL coaching equivalents:

The 49ers are not a San Francisco team anymore. Santa Clara is a town far away from San Francisco that has its own merits, but the 49ers are just another guy on the peninsula who says when asked that they live in SF, then when pressed as to which neighborhood, admit Santa Clara. Santa Clara is not San Francisco.

Who would have thought being punched repeatedly in the head could have negative consequences?

The old good cop/bad domestic abuser approach? Classic.

What if they need to commandeer a van at some point? Every crew needs a wheel man.

Headline should be: Hope Solo Petitions to Join USWNT’s Equal Pay Mediation In An Effort To Remain Relevant

The USWNT already has Megan Rapinoe to provide strong leadership, but I guess Hope Solo could create a good cop/bad cop situation. After all, it usually takes more than one officer to get Hope Solo in cuffs.

They seem to have some pretty outspoken people currently on the national team ? Of course if there is a need for someone to get violent at a family BBQ then I’m sure Hope and her husband will get a call. 

THIS IS ALL SO VERY SURPRISING

GO BACK TO YOUR... (checks notes)... COUNTRY!

Like getting charged with rape? Yes.

I’m an EU lawyer, so let me explain. She waited too long to make her accusations, so they couldn’t try him as a Juvie.

Why do you hate the troops?

Durkin thinks about the hundreds of kids who didn’t die. They keep him up at night. His bloodlust is unsated.

It’s because he didn’t do anything truly bad like kneel for the flag.